12 February 2024

The sermon was on the passage in Mark 4:35-41, where Jesus tells the disciples to take the boat to the other side of the lake and while on their way, He falls asleep in the stern. As He’s sleeping, a storm comes up and is violent enough that the (mostly) fishermen crew are afraid they’re going to drown. 

There’s a storm currently raging and building up more destructive force in my life right now. Honestly, it feels like a hurricane after the last decade plus of trials and trauma. Approximately eight years ago my (now ex-) husband said some inappropriate things to a woman at church. In his mind, with his sex addiction battle, her manner of dressing while leading worship was distracting. Here’s the problem:  it was his issue, not hers. 

Yet she likely felt humiliated, offended, and knocked sideways unexpectedly - it was pretty terrible. Our church leadership took action immediately and pulled my ex from all forms of ministry for a time. This was right and good. Sadly, I felt his shame spilling over onto me, destroying some of my friendships because of his poor choices. Was it all on him? No, the offended woman could have reached out to me, but I bear her no ill-will. She was understandably deeply hurt and needed some time to heal.

Fast-forward to the last couple of weeks where one of my children lost control of their anger and lashed out physically toward a member of the youth group at a church-sponsored event. The injured youth’s parents had every right to have my child arrested and press assault charges, but they are offering them grace:  the opportunity to go to an intensive program where they can dig deeply with people who care about them and how their life turns out to figure out where the rage is coming from and deal with it.

This is a storm that has been building for years. We’ve all heard or seen the ‘ripple effect’ idea but what we can forget is as those ripples move out, they can join with other ripples, creating larger waves. Living on a ship for two years I learned about this first-hand. I remember one voyage in particular that the sky was stunningly blue with the occasional white puffy clouds, yet we had 10 meter swells (32 feet) which made forward progress incredibly slow. I overheard the captain say it was because of ‘the storm’ and I was utterly baffled. So I asked him what storm he was talking about? There was no visible evidence of a storm where we were - except the waves. That’s when I learned that on the Indian Ocean, a storm (cyclone in this case) elsewhere can create swells that build and merge together to create what we were experiencing.

I was reminded of this Sunday listening to the sermon:  my child’s rage has been building a long time. It’s quite likely that those waves were instigated by the actions of their father years ago but they’ve taken this long to begin to affect others.

Is this a painful time? Yes, absolutely. My heart grieves for my child in the present and the injuries inflicted on them in the past. I also grieve for the injured youth and their family. But - and this is so important - I see God’s hand and timing in even this. My child has the opportunity to deal with this grief, anger, rage, wounding, trauma, etc., at a time in their life where truly the only responsibility they have is a part-time job. I see this as God’s grace.

And grace upon grace, God has sent so many people my way, asking how they can support us. Two friends from out of state, with no connection to our church (or anyone in the church) have contacted me to let me know that they’ve been praying for us and wondered if everything was ok, how could they help.

Grace.

Abundant grace, in the middle of the storm. I think we’re entering the eye of this hurricane, and I’m so grateful that I’m not alone. God has gone before and is beside.

Federal Way, WA 98023